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1st November 2007

4:31pm: lameness
The rules are easy, just post 6 things that recently made you happy! Then tag 6 people to post this meme on their LJs.

1. having the best friends in the world

2. halloween

3. finding out im going to get to record a 4 song demo and it be legit!

4. marijuana

5. free chipotle on halloween

6. its not raining this week.
Current Mood: emo

11th August 2007

5:22pm: Good times..
Sooo.. the past week has been pretty good. Made some new friends, and hung out with old ones. The other night Dan came down to hang out, and went to karaoke with me. hes so funny.. and shy... and sweet. We've hung out a few nights this week actually.. he seems like a good guy. we're into alot of the same stuff, other than he doesnt sing ;). he stayed here and slept next to me and held my hand and stuff all cute when we were sleepin. we havent kissed or anything though. its weird. everyone thinks hes gay.. but i dont. i like that he does his hair a certain way and stuff like that. means he cares about himself.. but there is some doubt, hes a sagittarius. so was justin, david and ryan. i just cant win. but oh well..

i guess i should just let shit happen right? and i know as soon as it does.. ryans gonna call me and wanna get back together. i hate him for fucking with my head the way he did, yet i still love him. i talked to a friend of mine the other day who pierced his ex and she told him THEY were dating and ryan denied it and said that my friend misheard. what the fuck ever. im over it. sooo over it. and i dont give a shit either way anymore. he fucked with my head and fucked me up.. its done. hell get his eventually. kharma's a bitch.

anyways.. last night was the slumber party at allison's. it was pretty cool. we got really stoned and danced in our pjs and watched clueless. ally got shmasted.. like totally. it was funny. jenny drunk dialed a bunch of people in my phone and i talked to people on her phone. it was interesting. me and allison woke up this morning and were the only ones left. were so hardcore lol. we woke up, went back to sleep and got up at like 3pm. it was awesome. rob got home and was hungry but we didnt go anywhere and he fell asleep with us lol. it was fun times... just wish the boys that were supposed to crash the party wouldve come over.. but its cool.

i guess thats about the extent of it. im dyin to talk to dan cause his phone doesnt work were hes camping right now so i gotta wait til tomorrow. tonight is drunken fest at henrys. i cant fuckin wait!
Current Mood: devious

7th August 2007

3:31am: The only thing cheap to you is your friends..
so a bunch of shit has happened since i last wrote. So lets start with the shit you guys are all not really giving a shit about anymore. ryan.

well we got into a huge fight over something stupid last week. he told me he was done with me and all this bs. then wanted to come over, then got mad again. then the next day came over. and everything was fine. then few days later decided he didnt want to bang anymore cause he doesnt want any intimacy. i told him he needs to figure out what the hell he wants from me and to let me know. no response. then few hours later wanted to come to my party but we were already on our way to covington. so he came there with baby d and they left right after. he has the mind games fuckin down. hes worse than anyone ive ever had to deal with yet i let it happen. oh well..im stupid thats it.

warped tour was awesome. i posted pics on my photo myspace. myspace.com/madistarphotography. i saw this guy there that comes into the store and i thought he was pretty cool. He kinda reminds me of ryan in some aspects.. its weird. could be why i like him but then again, its not like im dating him so it doesnt matter. BUT, we've been talkin and gettin to know each other the past few days and its pretty much awesome. back to warped. it was hot as fuck. stimpy went with me, cause hes my bff. i got my press passes i wanted and got to take sweet pics of some of my fave bands. namely Alkaline Trio. i was excited cause i was like a foot away from matt skiba. ::sigh:: ::melt:: hes so hot.

my party on saturday was kinda a bust.. but eh its cool. it ended up raining and we went to covington to another party and combined them. there werent that many people at theirs either so we made it awesome. o i also made another new friend this week. jeremy.. hes pretty much awesome too. he knows all my old friends from like when i was 15.. its weird. And mike that i met at work came over saturday too. hes a good kid, just young. he has a "thing" for me and i told him it wasnt going to be like that lol. o man. the shit i get stuck with.

so.. yea. ally leaves next week to go back to school in eastern ky unv. which sucks cause shell be two hours away...it kinda sucks and it seriously happens everytime. when i meet someone that like i love to hang with and have no problems with what so ever they move away. jean marc, brian, sam moved for a bit, NIO and LUKE, now ally is going back. it jsut sucks cause she can do pretty much anything with me.. (except metal night damn 21+ bars) and only lives like 10 min away. but nooo she has to go back to schooool. damn dykes;)

ALso, i got reunited with one of my great friends the other day. Connor McCrate. i love that kid. we were super tight few years ago and shit fell off and weve seen each other around n stuff. but we hung out last week and weve hung out two days since. hes going to israel on wed for A MONTH. and im going to miss him.. ive missed him this entire time and im so glad he showed up at karaoke on thursday. we'll get our shit reunited when he gets back and ill be fuckin excited as shit. <3

but anyways.. yea thats my super long blog about whats going on and stuff. sorry if youre all bored to death now and probably stopped reading a long time ago. so yea im going to sleep now. later loves.

Current Mood: tired

24th July 2007

3:05pm: i am awesome.
So.. I guess when I decide to just let things go the way they're supposed to, it happens.  I was on my way to Fat cats last night and Ryan texted me wantin me to come over.  So.. Im thinkin.. yesss.. maybe he's finally starting to cave. I hung out at the bar and went over his house. hung out. watched comedians.. did the usual.  But this time it didnt seem so much like a booty call.. as it usually does like, we bang, he doesnt touch me in any like, "boyfriend" ways afterwards.. but last night he kinda did. I dunno.. its just little things that mean the fucking world to me. When I left this morning, I texted him and asked if it would be weird for me to say that I still love him, and he said not really. I said cause I still do. and he sent me a smiley and said he still does too. I wish things would go back to the way they were.. like hanging out all the time.. actually being "together".. but i guess i gotta take what i can get from him. cause its all i want. him. anything from him.. and the more i leave him alone, the more hes comin to me. i <3 it. lol..

so i went and got my car estimate today to get it fixed. around 1200$. yea.. good thing im not paying for it. stupid insurance companies need to get on that shit.

we'll Im going to go take a shower.. and get ready to go to dinner with the fam.  <3 love.
Current Mood: optimistic

22nd July 2007

9:20pm: starting over..
So I'm gonna start posting here again.  Im sure people are sick of me blogging 24/7 on myspace. plus this is a little more private.  not really but who really looks at LJ anymore?  its soooo 2003.

so yea. im feelin pretty alright today.  I cried again yesterday because i was thinking about how much i really missed everything with ryan.  Scrubs'll do that to me.  We literally did everything together, and i loved his company.  Stupid being in love.. i hate it.  But I gotta go with the flow now.. let things happen. Who knows, maybe we'll get back to the way things were, maybe we won't.  Im hoping it's a go.. but thats entirely up to him.  And the sucky thing is he knows that.  I hate letting them know they have control over me.. but fuck what can I do? Sometimes my heart over see's my mind and makes me do things and say things i shouldnt.  I wish i was stronger in that aspect but fuck. whatever. Im always thinking about what to do next and what to say, what not to say. that bs.  its gay.  How can someone be your bestfriend when you cant tell them how you feel? I mean really.. what should i do? i feel so in the dark but yet i feel like he still thinks about me.  I mean, yea we still bang.. and im not banging anyone else.  he says hes not.. but i still wonder sometimes.  i guess i just gotta take what i can get. and only from him. til he tells me that its done.  so yea.. im losing my train of thought cause high school musical is on. i <3 it.

well im off to the bar. karaoke. PEACE.
Current Mood: determined

13th June 2005

2:50am: please let me kill you..
so yeah.. its been a while and a lot has happened..but im not talking about that right now.. you know.. there are a lot of fucking douchebags in cincinnati..so jordan tells me that apparently im a liar and a slut.. and people were "warning" him of this if he liked me.. which me and him.. nuh uh..nope..not happening.. but it just really makes me think about how much i hate this place and how much i want to graduate college and just leave. and never come fucking back..ive had enough drama in my fucking life..i dont need loser as fucks telling people that Im a liar and that im this huge slutbag or whatever the hell youre all saying. but if i find out who it was...since jordan is such a good friend and all and wont tell me.. (oh yeah, he would be breaking confidence if he told me who was talking shit about me..how much bullshit is that..) fucking lame..

you know.. this past weekend was one of the best in my life.. and now.. i want to break someones face. seriously.. i could kill right now and feel no remorse..or get caught for that matter. so the next person to piss me off, i feel sorry for you because you might not come out alive.
Current Mood: enraged

16th May 2005

12:09am: well..tonight was interesting.

i just talked to chip, old owner of spunk..and he wants to pay for me to go to atlanta with him and Don next month... for some band thing that DEVO is playin at..how awesome is that?

so i talked to the detective today..he was a real jackass.. thought i was lying because he didnt see me walk around the building at whatever time it was...what a douche bag. But annie at sudsys said i can come down and look at the tapes from friday to find the picture of that guy..which would rule.

but i want to thank everyone out there who has been there for me... you guys are awesome, and its good to know that people actually do care.

awww..how fucking sappy..

but anyways..i get my car back tomorrow morning and im trying to decide if i should get rid of it.. i think it will be weird driving it again, what do you think???

anyways..gotta get off..later.
Current Mood: aggravated

14th May 2005

2:44am: worst weekend ever..
lets just say that last night was the worst night in my entire life..

why does god hate me so much??

i think he's trying to tell me something...

just come out and say it asshole.
Current Mood: scared

2nd May 2005

2:36pm: watch out boys..

Your Seduction Style: The Charmer

You're a master at intimate conversation and verbal enticement.
You seduce with words, by getting people to open up to you.
By establishing this deep connection quickly, people feel under your power.
And then you've got them exactly where you want them!

Current Mood: blah

1st May 2005

1:40am: dont you just hate it when you think someone is your friend, and they ask you to hang out..but when you do, you feel unwelcomed.. i dont understand.. is it something that i do to make people act that way towards me or is it just them and them bein fucked up??!?!

maybe im just depressed about this whole other situation and its that time of the month and blah blah.. i just dont feel like i fit in with anyone.. i never have felt that way. who knows..

i hate my life..
Current Mood: depressed

30th April 2005

4:07pm: welll...
well i guess its over yet again... what a waste of my time...seriously.. i dont know what to do anymore.. someone kill me please..
Current Mood: hungover

16th April 2005

2:23pm: last night
oh wow..

last night was awesome.. well at like 12 it was awesome.. i went and hung out with shad early on, which was cool to finally meet him n stuff. so then i went and picked up opie and he flipped out about it.. god i cant have any friends if theyre guys. he thinks i wanna fuck all of em..

but anyway. we got into it of course and i left. I went to jacobs and had a fucking blast. hung out with timmy and shannon and lisa.. it was great got free beer and a free shot.. it ruled. it was the first time i like 6 months ive actually hung out and had fun. shannon was awesome last night.. kept tellin me how burg never hangs out anymore with his new gf and that when i was with him we hung out all the time..haha that made it all awesome.. and sorry burg, but shes not as cute as me.. in anyway.. ahahhah mo was there and tank and dougstein..it was sweet... i miss hanging out with all these people.. last night made me remember why i loved jacobs before.. and how if i go once a month it makes everything better even if opie has a problem with it.. i dont care its my fucking life i do what i want.. god damnit.

i miss shannon and them too..they were fun cuz all we did was tear shit up.. it rules.
Current Mood: indescribable

12th April 2005

10:43am: my hurrr
ok well..

i wanna cut my dreads off...maybe go my mohawk route again, not sure...

what should i do? I need some outside input...

Current Mood: hungry

10th April 2005

5:45pm: boring update
yeah well..here goes..

ive been a hermit for far too long, but i dont know what to do. I go and hang out at uptown with sean and adam and them sometimes..but i dunno... Opie seems to think that theres something going on between me and sean just for the simple fact that I enjoy his company sometimes. he doesnt understand that guys want to be friends with girls for their friendship and not just to fuck that person.. oh well.. maybe Im naive but who cares... i dont care if someone is my friend cuz they wanna fuck me as long as theres no disrespect.. which is kind of a paradox cuz..oh never mind..

anyways this weekend was ok.. on friday we went to see Hide and Seek at dingleberry in Glenway... that movie was sweet.. the original plan was to see Sin City, but i threw a fit and Hide and Seek was kinda a spur of the moment type thing...but it was good. i think ive decided robert diniro is one of my fave actors. and dakota fanning is awesome too.. (i think thats her last name) then we went home and watched this french film, He loves me, he loves me not.. it was awesome too. psychological thriller...two sides to every story. it was sweeeeeet. Roman recommended it to me, and he was right it ruled. Ive been going through my clothes the past two nights I might be having a sale of them i dunno.. if I do Ill post what im tryin to get rid of maybe someone will want the shit. ahah.. anyways.. im gonna go finish going through the clothes. later
Current Mood: flirty

26th March 2005

5:21pm: sick
im sick of being the only one who cares.
im sick of being alone
im sick of feeling like no one wants me around anymore
im sick of feeling like i have nothing because i dont have money
im sick of feeling like the person im supposed to love only wants me around so no one else can have me
im sick of being the only one trying
im sick of being the only one who wants things to work
im sick of being depressed
im sick of feeling like my work is shit
im sick of being overlooked to someone else
im sick of being ignored
im sick of feeling like i dont belong
im sick of being alone.
im sick of feeling alone.
im sick of killing myself
im sick of being sober
im sick of being me.
Current Mood: sick
5:20pm: im a slut
MadiStar's LiveJournal Slut Stats
The below percentages indicate what MadiStar has done with the 15 people on her friends list!




seen topless

seen naked

phone sexed

made out

oral sex


What are your LiveJournal Slut Stats?
Sponsored via Adult Friend Finder. Keep this meme and others like it checking it out or getting free account! You may meet the match of your dreams!
Current Mood: hungry

20th March 2005

9:57pm: internet boredom takes over..
You are Deb and you could drink whole milk if you

Which Napoleon Dynamite character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Info Grey
Your Heart is Grey

What Color is Your Heart?
brought to you by Quizilla

You are beautiful because of the pure, sensitive,
good hearted, unexperienced vibe you give out.
You most likely haven't done much such as sex,
drugs , and alcohol. If you have you were
probably just experimenting out of pure
curiousity. Your curiousness may lead to danger
if you cannot control it! People like to be
around you because of your young personality.
You like to have fun and be happy. You are well
liked by most people but some may find you
slightly immature. Don't let people bring you
down, for you are a wonderful and beautiful

You're Beautiful...but why? ( PICS)
brought to you by Quizilla

Your Miroku! all that matters in life is who is
going to be your next boyfriend/girlfriend and
where to take him/her next. Not to worry
though, because you are bright and you do your
school work. And hey, you even have a fan club!

What Inuyasha Character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

You are a dark angel! You don't want to be an
angel, banished from the race of goddesses you
were forced to live as an angel, because you
abused your power. Now you are powerless,
except to help others, you are very lonely and
reflect a lot.

Which natural angel are you? (awe-inspiring pics!)
brought to you by Quizilla
Current Mood: bored
6:41pm: the puppies
so yeah.. these puppies are crazy. apparently the bitch that had them before didnt bathe them, (like she said she did) or pay any attention to them at all. when i got there to pick them up, they were locked in the basement to run loose and shit/piss everywhere. so i have them in a cage and im tryin to teach them that outside is where they do their business. the brindle one ( kelso) flipped out on the other one last night and my mom wanted me to get rid of them.. so i told the lady what happened and she wont respond to me. go figure. so im stuck with these babies and i gotta give em medicine all the time and give them baths. so yeah.. theyre sweet dogs i guess they just need some training and attention. they dont really like walking with a leash either which they need to get used to.. and i dont think they like my cats either. they freaked out killer a little bit ago which was kinda funny. he got all poofy and ran and hid.. poor little guy. but other than that nothing has really been going on.. i need to get out and take some more photos of random shit to fill my photovoid. hehe...

i also need a job, maybe tomorrow ill go to cincinnati mills and try to get a job at spencers like amber suggested or someother lame store. (that place is all preppy) but i need a job at night and i cant really work at my dads at night cuz they close at 5.. (those assholes) so another mall job here i come.. ahha at least its not tricounty.. so anyways im just blabbering now... check out my photobucket for my new basic lighting 1 pics. later.
Current Mood: bored

18th March 2005

8:00pm: the past week and PUPPIES!
well this past week has been stressful as hell but its finally over. it was my last week of my second quarter and final projects were due. but i got all of that taken care of so its allllll gooood. then tomorrow I am picking up some puppies that need some special care. They both have Mange and need special medicine and baths to relieve their poor skin. but once they get healty they will be adorable. they are boxer mixes and are totally cute. theyre names are Kramer and Kelso (i didnt name them, so.. this might be changing)
but once i get them ill let you know how they are doing..

so whats going on tonight? anything.. i dont think theres shit to do..

later biatches.
Current Mood: excited

15th March 2005

8:32am: boredom...
this weekend was craziness...friday night was the murder junkies show at sudsy's.. *sigh*
it was all good The Konvicts played really good even though the new guitarist doesnt know much yet. the murder junkies were alright. they didnt play many of my faves, but gooch did a good job of being GG with his bloody forehead and broken glass. so thus comes to my story of that night.. There was this guy ther, we'll call him DOUCHE cuz i dont know who he was. but i was taking pics on the side of the stage and i see him sitting on the front of the stage next to amanda. then i see him grab her by her hair and commense to throw her around by it. i was soooo pissed when i saw that. so i grabbed opie who was wasted of course and told him about it. so he goes up to amanda and asks her about it. i look over and i see him start wailing on the guy. they came across the stage towards me and landed on top of me, with my fuckin camera in my hand. so i tried to get up but the DOUCHE grabbed me by my hair and pulled me in between them. i tried to get free but it wasnt working. i saw gooch come towards us who was still singing, and he went to kick the dude.. but instead ended up kicking me in the face and chest. it hurt sooo fucking bad. I dont really know what happened to the fight after that all i know is that i got pulled up and JB (from little white pills and Muder Junkies) took me "backstage" to make sure i was alright. it hurt so bad to breathe and i had this huge bruise on my face and neck. so apparently like 10-20 people chased that guy down and beat the hell outta him and he escaped by jumping on some random cars hood. you can bet your ass he'll never come to cincinnati again and start shit. so after all this we left sudsys and i still couldnt breathe, so i went to mercy. Ive got insurance til the end of the month so why not. the doctor just looked at me and said i was fine that nothing was broken and then gave me vicodin for the pain. which i thought would be awesome, turns out vicodin changed on me and now has the effect of keeping me awake rather than helping me sleep. stupid drugs. yeah it sucks. i still have nine left...saturday we didnt do anythhing cuz opie worked late and i was still pretty hurting. and sunday we went and took their equippment back to chads and they played a few songs without nik and we came home at 1 am and made food. which rules cuz i spent 100$ on food saturday. and today Im at school being bored because we arent doing anything in class today. last week of second quarter yay!! its all moving so fast.. anyways.. off to finish projects. later guys!
Current Mood: tired

9th March 2005

11:28am: midgets n sluts
last night was fucking awesome!!

I left school early, went home and took a nap... woke up and drove to columbus to see Motely FUCKING Crue!!!

it was so awesome. TDG took me cuz he needed someone to drive up there. but it was soo awesome. He got mega drunk and was falling everywhere, but what else is new?

our seats were kinda far back so during their ten minute break we went down farther and got as close as we could get away with. it was awesome.. i was like 30 feet away from nikki fuckin sixx... that rocks.

we saw oz when we were there and no one else that we knew, suprisingly. there were alot of older douche bags there but it was worth it. they played soooo many old songs it was awesome!
two hours of nothing but crue... cant wait til they come here in august.. its gonna be awesome.

til later, im off.. im at school and were going to the enquirer printing place.. w00..
Current Mood: tired

3rd March 2005

8:57pm: Nelly ft. Tim McGraw - Over and Over
Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
And I can’t keep picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad, yeah
Cause it’s on in my head
I think about it over and over again
I replay it over and over again
And I can’t take it yeah I can’t shake it

I can’t wait to see you
Want to see if you still got that look in your eyes
That one you had for me before we said our goodbyes
And it’s a shame that we got to spend our time
Being mad about the same things
Over and over again
About the same things
Over and over again
But I think she’s leaving
Ooh man she’s leaving
I don’t know what else to do
(I Can’t go on not loving you)

Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
And I can’t keep picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad, yeah
Cause its on in my head
I think about it over and over again
I replay it over and over again yeah
And I can’t take it yeah I can’t shake it

I remember the day you left
I remember the last breath you took right in front of me
When you said that u would leave
I was too damn stubborn to try to stop you or say anything
But I see clearly now
and this chose I made keep playing in my head
Over and over again
Playing my head
Over and over again
I think she’s leaving
Ooh man she’s leaving
I don’t know what else to do
(I Can’t go on not loving you)

Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
And I can’t keep picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad, yeah
Cause its on in my head
I think about it over and over again
I replay it over and over again
And I can’t take it I can’t shake it

(Now that I’ve realizes that I’m going down
From all this pain you’ve put me through
Every time I close my eyes I like it ?
I can’t go on not loving you)

Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
And I can’t keep picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad, yeah
Cause its on in my head
I think about it over and over again
I replay it over and over again
And I can’t take it I can’t shake it

Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
And I can’t keep picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad, yeah
Cause its on in my head
I think about it over and over again
I replay it over and over again
And I can’t take it I can’t shake it

Over and Over again
Over and Over again
Cause it’s all in my head
Current Mood: calm
1:35am: fuckin drama
im beginning to think that theres nothing i can do to make this relationship work. Ive stopped lying and acting stupid and going anywhere without him, and yet i still get shit when hes drunk for shit that happened 6 months ago. when we got back together we agreed to forget about everything and move the fuck on..but thats not possible. not for an insecure alcoholic who has nothing better to do that argue with the "one he loves"

im so sick of this shit.. i dont know what to do though.. i still love this loser. and i dont know why..

someone please come and shoot me in the face.
Current Mood: depressed

18th February 2005

12:02pm: fuckers
yeah so glad people came out..

there were like 20 people there if that at all.. and most the people who told me they were coming, didnt show.. fuckin assholes.
so last night we went to see social d.. god what a nightmare..

so we get there, and tdg, becky and will are going to sub galley.. of course we go in and get trashed before the show. so we walk our happy asses to bogarts, opie pukes all over the ground outside.. then we go in, try to get a beer then social d starts so we go to the front like duh and had fun til i almost passed out from the heat. so we walk to the front by the bar and try to find everyone when Johnny saw us. he comes up and gets in opies face and acts a fool. i pulled him back and tried to get him to chill which he didnt and pushed me out of the way and tried to tackle opie.. which didnt work. opie eneded up punching him in the face like 6 times and johnny got kicked out. so after the show was over we went back to subgalley and got more drunk.. me and opie got into a fight on the way home about johnny.. which isnt anything new and i walked out.. another NOT NEW thing.. fuckin people.. piss me off.. and nikki was fuckin there like she new what the hell was going on.. i wanna beat her ass soo bad, she thinks tdg is takin her to motely crue.. right! im driving and i get a free ticket.. i know that bitch aint goin anywhere with her invisible car and invisible personality.. so yeah thats my bitching for the past two days.
might go to jacobs tonight, might go to connors i dunno.. we'll see...
Current Mood: sick

16th February 2005

11:15am: tonight
well tonight is it. my party at jacobs. Im hoping there will be a decent turn out, but they way my "friends" are, no one will be there... fucking assholes. only a few have rsvp'd to my invite so oh well. but to those of you that do come out, i appreciate it.. even if i hate you. hahaah

oh well.. hope to see you all later.
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